THE RABBLE OR WHO PAYS!
 

By Samuel Butler
 
 
 
 
A ladies Burberry handbag -- photograph by Dan Smith
 
 
 
How various and innumerable

Are those who live upon the rabble!

'Tis they maintain the Church and State,

Employ the priest and magistrate;

Bear all the charge of government,

And pay the public fines and rent;

Defray all taxes and excises,

And impositions of all prices;

Bear all th' expense of peace and war,

And pay the pulpit and the bar;

Maintain all churches and religions,

And give their pastors exhibitions;

And those who have the greatest flocks

Are primitive and orthodox;

Support all schismatics and sects,

And pay them for tormenting texts;

Take all their doctrines off their hands,

And pay 'em in good rents and lands;

Discharge all costly offices,

The doctor's and the lawyer's fees,

The hangman's wages, and the scores

Of caterpillar bawds and whores;

Discharge all damages and costs

Of Knights and Squires of the Post;

All statesmen, cut-purses, and padders,

And pay for all their ropes and ladders;

All pettifoggers, and all sorts

Of markets, churches, and of courts;

All sums of money paid or spent,

With all the charges incident,

Laid out, or thrown away, or given

To purchase this world, Hell or Heaven.